My Confession
by angel of moozik
Summary: I'm Elliot Reid, which means I'm incapable of doing anything right.


**This is just a little something I thought I'd try, because while searching for random pairings I realised that there was nothing for this one. If you don't like the pairing, I can understand that, but please don't flame just for that reason!

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I'm Elliot Reid, which means I'm incapable of doing anything right. Seriously, is there anything I've ever done which hasn't ended in disaster? Especially when it comes to guys. I've had some great guys, and I've always managed to somehow ruin things. Like Sean. Things with him were great until I dumped him for JD, when that obviously wasn't going to work. And then there was the whole Keith thing. Why would I call off my own wedding? Keith and I could've been great and then I go and spoil it. There have been the guys who weren't that great too, but even they'd be better than the man I'm with now.

My boyfriend at the moment is a really good guy. He makes me laugh, he's loving, caring and one of the nicest guys I've ever met. The trouble is, after he's loving and caring to me, he goes home and he's loving and caring to his wife. Bad, I know. I've practically become my mother. But there's more. His wife's my best friend: Carla Espinosa. Well I did say I can't do anything right.

I don't even know how this whole thing started. When I first met Turk, he was just JD's annoying jocky surgeon friend to me. You know, the kind who would've either picked on me in high school, or would've gone out with me until I put out and then dump me, leaving me sitting in front of the TV eating tub after tub of ice cream until I put on a few pounds and my mom would go on about my pig face. So I hardly bothered with him at first. Then I became closer to JD, and finally made friends with Carla, and we started to be a group of four really good friends. I think Turk was still the one I was least close to though, even though we still got on. I can't say when exactly we started thinking of each other differently, but we acted on our feelings a few months ago.

I was sitting in their apartment all upset because I'd split up with Keith and (stupidly) called our wedding off. Carla had told me I could come round and talk about it with her, but then she was held up for some reason so I waited with Turk for her to get back. I was crying and gross and Turk gave me a tissue and a hug and he was being reassuring. Then, all of a sudden, he stopped talking and I stopped crying and there was this weird tension, and next thing I know we were kissing, and then we were doing more, if you get what I mean. Then when it was over we decided we should never talk about it again. The trouble was, we couldn't stop thinking about it and about a week later it ended up happening again. And again a few days after that.

Now, I know what you're thinking; he was taking advantage of me because I was a mess. I'm not that stupid though. That happened to me enough when I was a teenager. I wasn't about to let it happen now. But Turk was my friend, and I trusted him entirely. That sounds like I don't trust him anymore. I do. I trust him completely. And I love him. He says he cares about me because he can't say he loves me because he says that to his wife, but it means the same thing. He loves both of us, even though he doesn't really want to love me. Normally I'd hate that, but I don't mind, because having half of Turk has been better than having the whole of anyone else. He's never going to be mine completely, but that doesn't really bother me. I'm just glad I'm not splitting up his family.

It makes me feel horrible when I see Carla and I hang out with her and I have to pretend like nothing's going on. Carla's always been so good to me. She's always been there for me. She's always helped me and she'd never do anything to hurt me. It's the worst feeling in the world when she's complaining that Turk seems distant and I have to lie and act like I don't know why he is. And then I have to go to him and tell him to pay more attention to her. I have to tell my boyfriend to pay another woman more attention. It's just wrong.

It's not Carla it's hard to deal with either. I have to listen to JD complaining about how Turk never has time for him. I thought I'd be glad when they weren't joined at the hip; it was kind of annoying. They had all these in-jokes, and I used to feel left out. I miss it now though. When we all sit together at lunch, it's all polite conversation and the occasional joke. They don't fool around anymore; they're not close enough.

It makes Turk unhappy too, I can tell. He has to try and split his time between his family, his best friend and me, and he has to lie to them, which he hates. I know I've pretty much ruined his life, and we argue about it every so often. I try to leave sometimes, and he always insists he's happy and because I don't really want to leave, I always make myself believe him, even if the little voice in the back of my head's nagging me, saying "you know he's wrong. You need to leave." Sometimes I do actually go, but I always end up going back to him, and he always gives in.

I know it's all going to come out someday, but a lot of the time I find myself not caring. Obviously I worry about it sometimes, but I just want to make the most of it before I ruin everything for everyone, as selfish as that sounds. Everyone's a bit sad and drifting apart now, and while that's bad enough, there's going to be a time where everyone's going to be angry with each other and our group is going to be destroyed. It's going to be my fault; I'm going to split everyone else up, just for a few months of this. I'm pathetic, but then it's hardly surprising; I'm Elliot Reid.


End file.
